At www.onlydads.org we are contacted by many single fathers looking for resources to help them and their daughters best deal with puberty. As some of you will know this is an area where mums and dads flounder. You can read my own shortcomings here!
PogoPack wrote this for us – I feel it represents a really clear summary of the main issues.
A daughter’s development from a girl into a young woman can be a daunting prospect for any dad, and this can be all the more challenging for a single dad. How should you support her?
Sharing the responsibility
If your daughter’s mother is around, it would be natural to assume that she would do everything necessary to help your daughter with the practical matters of puberty. The truth is, many women are not comfortable discussing periods or puberty with their daughters, often due to them having had poor preparation themselves when they grew up. If it’s possible, discuss with her how you will both ensure your daughter gets the help she needs.
By all means, seek the support and advice of another woman whom you and your daughter trust, but accept the fact that you need to be involved too because, at any moment, you may be the only one she can turn to for help.
The role of school
Some of your daughter’s sex education will be provided at school as part of the National Curriculum. Currently, this begins in Year 6 in the UK and some schools introduce the topic in Year 5. However, what is taught in the classroom is outside of your control and is very much dependent on the experience and confidence of the person delivering the subject.
Very little time is given to sex education in primary schools, and the practical side of periods may not be taught, so you will need to supplement this with good conversations and support at home.
The timing and signs of puberty
Every girl will experience puberty in a way that is unique to her. Some girls will start to develop at around eight years of age, however, many will not start until they are 10, 11 or 12, and some girls won’t experience any changes till they are 13 or 14, occasionally later.
The age at which her mother started puberty can sometimes be an indicator, but this cannot be relied upon as research published in May 2010 indicates that puberty is now starting much earlier.
Generally, the first visible sign of puberty will be the beginning of breast buds – when your daughter’s breasts start to develop. However, there is no set order in which these changes happen. Most of the changes will generally happen over a 3-4 year period.
The changes experienced by girls in puberty
Here’s a summary of the changes your daughter will experience.
•A growth spurt – growing taller, wider and becoming more curvy
•Breast development
•Weight gain
•Growth of under-arm and pubic hair
•Hair on arms and legs begins to get darker/thicker
•Increased sweating
•Body odour
•Greasier skin
•Stretch marks may appear on her skin because she is growing so fast
•Moods and emotions become more erratic and irrational
•A sticky vaginal discharge is produced before and between her periods
•Starting her periods
•Facially, she begins to look more mature and adult-like
•Acne
•Sexual feelings develop.
It’s quite a list!
Periods
Periods present one of the biggest changes that girls have to cope with. The average age that girls start their periods is 12, but a significant number of girls are now starting in primary school, and some as young as eight.
It can be a frightening experience for a girl to start her periods and not know what is happening to her. It is therefore vital that your daughter is informed about periods once she reaches Year 5 or age 8, so that she can be fully prepared, and spared any unnecessary distress.
•A girl’s periods can start anywhere from age 8 to 18.
•Periods usually start around two years after breast buds develop.
•They last anywhere from 2-7 days, but the average duration is 5 days.
•Periods will repeat on average every 28 days (“the menstrual cycle”) but can repeat anywhere from 21 to 35 days.
•When periods first start, they can be sporadic and unpredictable, and it can take up to two years for periods to settle down into a reliable pattern or cycle.
•It is recommended that girls use sanitary towels and not tampons until their periods have settled into a reliable cycle.
If a girl is really sporty, she may want to use tampons because sanitary towels can be quite inconvenient in these situations – especially swimming. There are major health risks associated with the incorrect use of tampons, so both you and your daughter must read about Toxic Shock Syndrome beforehand. Although this is a rare illness, it can be fatal, so please familiarise yourself with the causes, symptoms and preventative measures. If a girl uses tampons, organic ones are preferable.
You can get more detailed information at http://www.pogopack.co.uk/all-about-periods.
Purchasing products
Sanitary products can be purchased from any supermarket, pharmacy and corner shop. They can also be purchased online. The terms “sanitary towel” and “sanitary pad” mean the same thing.
There is a confusing array of sanitary pads available. The three types your daughter will need are:
1.Pantyliners, for light-flow days, usually at the beginning and end of her period, and for occasional “spotting” in-between periods
2.Regular sanitary towels for daytime, during the main part of her period
3.Night pads, for bedtime or really heavy periods.
•Sanitary products are rated according to their absorbency, which is listed on the side of each packet of products.
•Keep a selection of each type of pad in a box in your bathroom or toilet, plus some disposal bags (sold in boxes next to pads in the supermarket) and make sure your daughter knows where to find these products at home when she needs them.
•How much product will she need? Girls should generally change pads every 4 hours during the day, and use one night pad overnight.
•Suggested quantities to start with – 2 packets of pantyliners, 2 packets of regular pads (with “wings”), 1 packet of night pads. Afterwards, your daughter should try different brands to find the ones she prefers.
•Explain that used pads must be wrapped in toilet paper or in a disposal bag and put in the bin – not down the toilet because they will cause blockages. It will help if you can provide a covered bin for her to use.
•Ensure your daughter always has a little purse of sanitary products with her at school, and always a supply of products before leaving for holiday.
Make it easy for your daughter to get more products when she needs them. If you do the shopping, ask her to write down what she needs on the shopping list. Alternatively, give her an allowance every month to buy products herself. Do be aware that she may not need the same quantity of products every month if her menstrual cycle is not regular yet.
Be alert
In the months before a girl’s first period, she will start getting some vaginal discharge, which is a sticky/watery fluid often noticeable in her knickers when the laundry is being done. This is the body’s final preparation for her periods and is a good tell-tale sign that you need to buy some products and ensure your daughter is aware of its significance. She needs to know that this is a normal part of puberty. Once her periods start, this discharge will continue to occur between periods.
The pain of periods
Period pain, or cramps, will be a regular feature in the days leading up to, and in the first couple of days of, her periods. This pain can be dealt with easily as follows:
•a covered hot water bottle that she can put on her tummy
•a lavender pack, heated in the microwave – again for the tummy – but be careful of extreme heat that will burn
•a warm bath
•an appropriate dose of paracetamol – make sure you always have some in the cupboard
•exercise! Actually this is a fantastic way to get the endorphins going to counteract the discomfort of period pain. Take her rollerskating, kick a ball around, or go for a cycle together.
Do respect your daughter’s wishes as to how she wants to deal with any period pain. She may prefer to snuggle up on the sofa with a hot water bottle, rather than exert herself – even if it is good for her!
Breast development
It will take, on average, four years for your daughter’s breasts to develop. At some point you will need to think about getting her a bra.
Hygiene
That sweet daughter of yours is going to become less sweet-smelling, that’s for sure! With the onset of puberty, her hormones will be producing greasier skin and hair, sweat and body odour.
If she is not already in the habit of showering every day, then you need to encourage her to start, and especially during her periods, and after she does lots of exercise. She will need a deodorant too – preferably a natural-based one that does not contain chemicals.
Whilst a good lather of soap is vital for dealing with the bacteria that cause body odour under the arms, the vagina requires more careful attention. It has a finely balanced pH level that can be easily upset through the use of highly perfumed shower gels and soaps. You need to encourage your daughter to wash her private parts with warm water only as harsh toiletries can cause irritation, inflammation and infection. If she is adamant about washing with soap or gel, find an organic or natural brand that is as gentle as possible.
When should you seek medical advice?
Your daughter’s progression through puberty is likely to be relatively free of medical problems. However, a medical check-up is necessary if your daughter:
•starts her periods before eight years of age
•hasn’t had her first period by the age of 16
•frequently has very heavy bleeding
•has period pains that are so debilitating they keep her off school
•gets a smelly, itchy discharge (possibly a yeast infection called “Thrush”)
•needs to wee frequently and it burns (probably a urine infection).
Remember to book an appointment with a female doctor so your daughter feels more at ease.
Get your daughter to a hospital immediately if she uses tampons and presents any of the symptoms associated with Toxic Shock Syndrome.
Where to get further help
This article has been provided by www.pogopack.co.uk – a company that helps girls with the transition into puberty. They have created the PoGo Pack™, a complete period kit containing everything your daughter needs to handle her periods. It is the perfect way to introduce the subject to her. The company also sells special teen-size sanitary towels which many young girls find comfortable when they first start their periods. Their website provides lots of free age-appropriate information for girls and parents, including recommended books about puberty.
Elsewhere, for professional advice, speak to the School Nurse, your doctor or the Practice Nurse. Online parenting forums can also be helpful for general advice and support.
OnlyDads 
I have a couple of friends with teenage girls, as we trust each other and have close friendships, they have asked me to take on a older friend role with their girls so they have someone else to ask, that isnt a parent. Its worked really well so far (Ive helped with tampax, makeup, hair removal & contraception). I am hopeful they will fulfill the same role for my son (some different topics!)
Do not pat your daughter on the back & say “well done” when you find out they have started their periods. However well intentioned, it really doesnt help!
When I went through puberty, the last person I wanted to talk with me about periods etc, was my dad. A girl can love her dad but hate sharing girl stuff with him. It was yuck! Stop making these girls think they should tell their dads about their periods. Send her to a female you trust. And for goodness sake, a dad should not be looking at his daughter’s chest and watching it develop. Even we moms, and aunts don’t do that. A dad should never ever take a daughter bra shopping. This is sickening for a girl !!!!!
Thank you for the comments. I take the point that many girls will not want to share and discuss these matters with their Dad. I also taked the point that many of us Dads are not best suited to this role.
That is one of the reasons this article was posted.
I have to say your view that Dads should never take their daughters bra shopping is a bit old-fashioned.
Furthermore, to say that a Dad should not be looking at his Daughter’s chest is a bit of a painful statement. The point made is that Dads will notice when their D’s start growing breasts and this will be an indicator of the onset of puberty. When you live full time with your Daughters, Dads (like Mums) will be bound to notice. That is all!
Bob
I think that this comment is a little naive and old-fashioned. Don’t forget that some single-parent families are dads only & they have to be involved in this process, especially if there is no female around to help out. A father should be involved, she is his child! No-one tells all the single mums not to discuss puberty with their sons. Ridiculous statement.
Parents of either sex will notice when their children are beginning puberty. Whether you like it or not, breast buds are hard to hide, particularly if you have a child on the younger range starting puberty, and letting single parents of EITHER sex know what to look out for is not a bad thing. They aren’t having a perve, they are being parents and noticing the different stages of their children’s development.
And parents of EITHER sex should be able to take their children shopping for any clothes they need. For girls, a female shop assistant can help because, and ONLY because, males don’t have a clue how to work out bra sizes. If one of my sons needed an ‘athletic support’ i would take him shopping, and then let the shop assistant sort out what he needed. Just as i would if he needed new footy boots and had to work out what best suited his needs.
Single parents need practical help with every aspect of their children’s lives and this article is one of the best written guides for dads confronting their daughter’s puberty requirements that i have read. Quite a few mums will find it useful too.
I’m a dad of two daughters and three sons. My wife travels for 6 months out of the year. I am left at home with my kids. My wife and I discuss this all the time. I am the man in the man’s role and take care of my family, but I would never take my daughters bra shopping. When they ask me for money to buy girl things, I don’t expect them to tell me details. I don’t want to know. They can call mom on the phone, call auntie, or talk to another trusted female with expertise. The reason some of you people, especially male bloggers say that it is old fashioned for omit men in daughters’ development is because our country’s morals have been damaged and are out of control. We need to let girls have their private girl issues and not as males try to burst in on and control everything. It is not always about us you know.
Hi…thanks for the comment.
It is, of course, good if girls have mums and aunties to talk to. But I also believe that it is good for Dads to have a role in their daughters development too, especially for those daughters who only really have their Dad to talk to.
I do not think this is the same as “bursting in and controling everything” though!!
Bob
I am deeply saddened when I read the sort of comments herein by others that suggest we Fathers should be excluded in the guiding of our daughters.
I am a loving, considerate, engaged single Father who is aware of the need for boundaries. I am also aware that as evidenced by some comments here, there is not a 100% concensus on how to handle who should educate a young girl. Therefore, because until she rejects my carefull and wonderful involvement, I will continue to guide and educate her. Till now, she is more comfortable with me than her mother or auntie about these topics. My daughter is 9 and lives with me 90% of the time. I purchased age apropriate reading material regarding puperty-when she was about 6 years of age. (I met with her pediatrician and female school counselor for their input in advance). We read them together and without any discomfort. In fact, her curiosity and questions have brought us closer together ! I purchased then reviewed with her the eventual need for tampons, sanitary napkins and a training bra.She even feels empowered knowing about ‘big girl stuff”. I am proud of the fact that I have rejected the biased “wisdom” stating that such things are only for Women. As result, I strongly believe that my little girl will grow up understanding which men she can trust and for whom she will have solid relationships.
Larry – that all sounds like perfect fathering. Well done you!
Bob
j man here again :
It is bursting in on your girl’s territory and controlling. I don’t expect my wife to be watching my sons’ penises grow , would send her to jail, if she did. just as I don’t need to just observe my daughters’ breasts growth. I know we see things, but stop looking at stuff so hard and fellas you need to respect your daughters’ boundaries. And stop saying the minsy lady is old fashioned just because she wants to keep girl things private. We want our man cave and man territory don’t we, we have to be fair to the women. They have to have something to talk about and share that we are not allowed in. We can’t control and domiinate everything. I think this country spoils men and allows them into women’s spaces too much. God don’t like us to be in our daughter’s period business.
We really don’t need to know about our daughter’s menses and the like. We really don’t. Back off and stop dominating. I enjoy seeing my daughters share giggles and talks about the girl times with mom..Stop being mean fellas,. My wife is glad she doesn’t need to get on here and fuss. She is a real woman.
Fellas, It amazes me how our pride and desire to control, makes us think we have the right to be a part of our daughter’s private girl issues. No fellas, a dad does not have that right, we don’t, point blank! I am a grown 29 year old male, and as manly as the next one, but I see their point of view. Many of the discussions that my girlfriend and I have are about women wanting rights. She has explained it over and over again, until I am tired of the topic. They say that men try to take away everything they have. Now, I am beginning to believe her because, she shows me these websites and aricles from men and fathers. I am a man who understands what my girlfriend is saying. One day if I get married to my girlfriend, I know have that I will not do the girl issue discussion. I will have the boy talk with my son. I will support my daughter and talk about all other topics but not her girl topics. Leave it alone men. You can still be the head of your family. But do it out of love and concern. Don’t force your daughter to talk to you about a topic that she finds umcomfortable to talk to you about. It is painful for her. Don’t say that a woman is old fashioned because she believes men are not to be in this issue. That’s what’s wrong with us men.
It really is sad that most men who come to these discussions about girl issues, cry the pityful, “woe is me and woe are men”, song as if everything in their daughter’s life is all about him. Men, your daughter’s period and bra really and truly is not for your participation. This is similar to mom always wanting to participate in son’s erection, jock cups, an noctournal emissions. Also similar to a mom telling the son that she will share in his penis issues. This is a serious taboo. I don’t know when it happened in this country, but it seems that men have taken on this humongous desire to be the leading person in the daughter’s female issues. A decent, dad who respects his daughter, would seek out the mom’s guidance or any other female in the girl’s life. Dads have also created this “purity ball” thing and now the “I have a right to go with my daughter to buy tampons and bras. Pretty soon the male movement will say that the dad has a right to watch the daughter as she puts on her tampon and bra, and the male movement will scold those of us who say it is wrong. We still have boundaries in this country. Men, you need talk to your SON as well, about life, but, please please, spend some extra time with him and teach him how to respect females, so that he won’t grow up having these confused feelings of male grandeur, as we see in today’s men. We may even cut down on teen pregnancies and diseases, because you taught him to keep it in his pants. Remember men, everything is not about you all.
Again, I am saddened at such a predictable comment.
Signed,
Father who believes in being involved with his children.
My x-wife has flat out refused to talk to our 9 year old daughter about puberty or anything relating to sex, this may be because she was promiscuous during our marriage and wound up pregnant with another mans child. I have my daughter 80% of the time and she has become curious about sex, anatomy differences, and why her body is changing. So far aside from myself she has had no one to talk with other than myself. I approach it in a loving and scientific way and she appreciates it, she is very smart. I also make sure to not over due it. I would love to have the help of a woman for her to talk with but as of today have yet to find one willing to.
Thank you so much for your site and links to information for my daughter.
Scott
Well done Scott – it sounds like you are dealing with things perfectly!
Bob
Scott,
At the same time we men are being criticized for not being involved in our childrens lives, we are also criticized for BEING involved. Now, the trick is knowing when and when not to know when we will hit that critical mass time when our efforts are aproved by EVERYONE. It is clear by the number of critical responses that our efforts will continue to be met with resistance and scrutiny. In the meantime, continue to set a good example for Dads out there PS. you are also setting a good example for ALL children – boys and girls.
Larry
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Fathers shouldn’t be concerned with their daughter’s puberty, and they should leave it to the mother. I am a father of 3 girls, one if 4, the middle is 7, and the oldest is 11 and she has just begun puberty. I don’t snoop around looking at her devoloping breasts because it is not my bussiness. I believe that a growing girl should have privacy, and nobody should be eyeing her growing areas but her. It is the female role model’s job to be educating her daughter on puberty and sex ed. Now if it was a son that was entering puberty, than a father will teach the son, the roles are reversed.
I was taught to respect women, and it is not the dad’s job to be buying bras, and being a peeking-tommish. Seems like this dad is perverted.
Following your thread of logic would assume then that all little girls have responsible women who are around 24/7 who are caring, involved, able, willing – and of course it is safe to asume that if there is not, then even a non caring/involved women would be better than the myriad of really great MEN who CARE for their children – boys and GIRLS. who are willing to be there……Hmmm… I just read your “thoughtful” words again. I believe I will continue to be the person who IS there for my daughter and for whom she can rely to be there(24/7) to assist her in her transition. I am not concerned with the MEN who are there, I am concerned for those who believe “others” should raise their children.
Cheers. LT
I can remember as a young girl, feeling the need to talk with my older sister about female issues. My female friends and I also discussed girl stuff. It was an ewww factor to include dad in this territory. Generally speaking, boys do not want to discuss their erections and penis trouble with moms, and we don’t force them, so why is it okay to expect girls to include their dads. Such a double standard.
Did I ever SAY that women are responsible for everything? No. I am saying that you buying your daughter bras and pads is a SERIOUS taboo. Because it makes you seem like a creep, number one, number two is that your daughter’s puberty is NOT a father’s place to be getting his nose involve. Just like it’s not the mother’s job to be eyeing on her son’s grownth. Boys aren’t comfy disgussing their “male” puberty with females, and girls aren’t comfy discussing their grownth to males. Respect your daughter and her boundries. This isn’t about you. Now, if you are a single father, than it’s different because you have to teach your daughter. But it all goes down to respect. You shouldn’t force your daughter to tell you stuff that makes her feel strange or awkard.
Also, your thesis that you will be there for your daughter 24/7 is not relistic. What if you pass away? She isn’t gonna have a dad to rely on. She needs other people to rely on besides you. But, that’s typical nature, wanting to be the “man” of the house and being in control of everything.
I am a single father with full custody. Why? because the courts, professionals which included women determined I provided a well balanced and healty environment. Her mother unfortunately does not posess parenting skills. So. as a practical matter, someone must provide guidance – a fairly normal thing done by parents. That is where I come in-happily and quite capably. She has an Aunt, a Female Pediatrician, a Female school counselor, A Female care giver. Guess what? I have recruited them all so that a balance can be struck. Yep, after many hours of conversion with her Pediatrician, WE (the doctor and I) concluded three years ago that it would be a good idea to introduce the world of growing up to my daughter and that I “gasp!” would be able to meander down to the book store and buy a couple of recommended books and make them available to my child> she read them (she is a vey bright girl). After she read them, guess what? She came to me with questions. That is where I come in (I am part of the “we” i mentioned). So, being that really awfull guy you declared I must be, I answered her questions. Hmmm. now that sounds really really terrible to answer a question of a child. We all know that curiosity is very bad for children eh? You clearly have not read my thread of notes as I have stated these already. I can tell you this miss- I “merely” want that my child grows up knowing that men ARE good and they support and they guide and they CARE. You on the other hand are a frightened person.
The right to privacy, modesty, and dignity, of women has begun to slowly be destroyed. Something eery is happening in this country.We read everyday where females are told to include their fathers and stepfathers into their girl spaces.This is not right. It has gotten to the point where we shame our daughters if they do not exalt dad and allow him exclusive control over her, as if mom does not exist. The young female is told that she must get permission from dad only to date, or she must have dad walk her down the aisle without mom, or she must tell dad when she gets her female puberty, or she must allow dad to enter the delivery room and look at her private female parts as she births her baby.
We have destroyed all sense of privacy that females have. Why? I don’t know. But, I have been watching this change in standards and females privacy, very closely and it is a sickening situation. We would never demand our males children to include their mothers into their males spaces, would we?
Jean, We must agree to disagree. I happen to believe that their is more than one “right” way to raise, guide and provide for a child. Of course many people who believe they are right also state their “thoughful” positition with such fervor and anger that they also show that they are quite myopic. My Mother was included in the raising of myself and two brothers. Guess what? She taught me how to raise my daughter. Your words sound like many in past eras when people felt very stronglyagainst such things as…..Womens rights, abolishment of slavery and Democracy. All of which many people generally recognize as perfectly reasonable and just. That others see things differently than you does not make them wrong – nor am I attempting to make you wrong. I am only pointingn out that with 7 billion people in the world, it is safe to assume that their exisits a wealth of “right” way of doing things eh?
Many or your words and others who share your “wisdom” are anger and insecuity driven and sure to find their ways to your children 😦
Yes Larry, we certainly do need to agree to disagree. Now, you come into this conversation to express your views in a way that suggest you are right and I am wrong. Read my comment again and again and understand it form the point that a woman is expressing what we as women need to tell you men about us. Larry, you do not have the right to think for women. You are a man….I guess.
I realize that you as a male, would defend something that you think that men have a right to do. Your beliefs are so typical. Men are always thinking that they can invade any area of the female’s territory and then scold and adamantly disagree with any female that seeks privacy and autonomy from males. We do have this right, Larry.
You were totally off and misguided in your suggestion that my comment shoud be alligned with , “past eras” or “womens rights, abolishment of slavery, and Democracy”. Any person can see that females claiming autonomy over their female territory “ain’t got a darned” thing to do with anything but our comfort and our peace. I am sad and sorry that you and many, many other males, feel the need to be offended by females expressing their NEEDS. Everything is not about a man. And it’s time for females everywhere to wake up and stop worrying about their daddy’s and husband’s ego and male pride. We need to put an end to all this coddling and exalting of males, just because males have most of the money, power, physical strength, and rule the media. Just because in the past, females were modest and had privacy, while hiding the breasts , it doesn’t mean it is outdated Larry. Males don’t pose on the cover of magazines and show their testicles, do they Larry? Females don’t scold boys for not telling their moms about thier genitals and noctournal emissions. You see Larry, females don’t try to take away you all’s body autonomy. Is this outdated as it is from the past era also. You see Larry, we females just want respect and we want you males to stop making rules and labels for us, and respect our decisions just as we respect yours.
I feel sorry for you Jean. We are from differing planets you and I. women and men alike are aiming for a balance – each sex thinking the other is out for them or trying to rule them, etc. I am doing neither. I am simply stating that just as women are capable of many of the things men are, so to are men capable of womens strenghts. I am not going to debate this with you. it is not a debateable thing.
Cheers to you. LT
Your comments so so judgemental and aggresive.
I come into this “conversation” in fact stating that there are options. your position is that ALL girls are required to discuss growing up with Females. I simply stated that in my case, their are few females ( her mother moved far away) and therefore since I have full care of my daughter, then I am not going to stand by blindly- but instead, I will do everything I can to participate in the care of my child- with the guidance of doctors (women), school counselors (women), paid counselors (women). I stated that my option is TO PARTICIPATE and guess what? I am really very good at it. YOUR position does not allow for options and therefore your position is inherently flawed. I have merely stated that caring for a child is just that…caring. it is not required to be sex related. it is CARE related. Caring is not right or wrong. Caring is right. PS> THIS IS A MANS SITE> ONLY DADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
When will we get men to stop scolding women and trying to shame us for wanting autonomy.
Many men get angry when women express themselves. Sorry guys, we will not be shamed. Men should rid their vocabularies of these terms that they often use against women who speak up for their gender.
(prudish, myopic(narrow minded), old- fashioned, uptight, angry, troll, male-haters, need to get laid, biased, naive,etc)
Any man worth anything and who has been taught about boundaries, would not even want to invade that girl space. The dad should feel some discomfort for the daughter. Seems to me so many men have forgotten that they are their to guide and direct their sons into manhood. That’s why we have like gender parents, aunts, grandmas, teachers, etc. If your daughter seems, seems, seems, to be cooperative and discusses this with dad, it’s probably because she has no choice. Remember she is a child and you are a powerful adult. She does not want to be disobedient, or make dad angry. She probably has not even been taught that females should have a private female space, with other females. She is a trusting little girl, who knows no better.
I sure would like to know how these men feel about their sons’ moms being a part of discussing noctournal emissions, erections, testicle chafing, shopping for sports genital cups, ejaculation, male puberty, and the like, with the young boys. This is totally inappropriate . It is wrong!!
Reply
Jean,
You may be “right” for you. but Wrong for me.
We must agree to disagree. I am not trying to discredit nor scold you. I am merely pointing out that people (which happens to include woman!) should not stake an exclusive claim to parenting of girls. Remember when woman could not vote? Remember when blacks were considered to be 5/8 of a person? remember when hitler thought jews were evil? well, those are prepostorous points of view which were supported by statements very much like the one you make. I know you will think I am a nut but trust me, good people do not.
LT
Sorry, but women and blacks having rights to vote is something totally different, from a girl’s need for privacy from dad. You are confused.
Including dad in a girl’s private girl stuff is really setting females back, way back, because men have always wanted to control and be a part of everything .That’s a trait that is true of the male gender, wanting to control and know about everthing. You see women have lost sight of what it means to have privacy, with all the topless, wide open breastfeeding, posing nude for the media, and now, including dad in on your private girl terrritory.
Name something in the female domain, that men don’t try to control. It’s difficult, isn’t it?? Yeah, because men want to control EVERYTHING!! And weak women allow them too!!
You make generalizations which are short sighted, lacking in depth and character and certainly have little to do with trying to enlightending us men. Rather, your view is limited with GOD, sFrail logic, and mere Hand-me-Down reasonings and “truths”. GO AWAY. Find a “ONLY MOMS” website.
and Larry, I am a teenage girl and I totally agree with Jean! Maybe ur daughter is just trying to make u feel important but she could be hiding and keeping things to herself just like I do! u said she is smart, then she must also be smart enough to hide things frm u
@Larry,
It’s funny about how some men (like you) think it’s all about them. Your daughter is clearly uncomfy and should be reading sex-ed and other puberty education from a book or from another female relative. When a daughter enters puberty, the last person she’d want to talk to about it is her dad. Just like when a son’s buds start growing, he’d not feel right talking to his mom. A guy who respects women will NOT buy tampons and bras for the intention of being “involved”, not to mention his own daughter! You either are a HUGE pervert or have some other insecurity that makes you feel that you must be in charge of everything.
That you would make such comments is sickening and desperatley evil. This site is called “Only Dads” for a reason. It is a place for MEN to communicate. Whoever you are, whatever you are- you do not posess the integrity or dignity to be part of this otherwise quality forumn.
i ask that you do not contact me though I do suspect you will in an effort to make another sickening point. Truely – you are a disgusting person.
Did you not know that I am a father, too, Lar? And I am certainly allowed to express how I feel. You are no way, in any shape or form, in control of me and you won’t tell me, a grown man, what to do. But, I guess I messed up, I’m sorry. You are a single dad so sorry for being nasty. But don’t call me evil when you have no idea what I’ve been through in my life.
My young sister was sexually abused by someone I knew, and I took this the wrong way, somewhat. I thought you were just being intrusive. But since there is no mother, you are right. I made a rather sick and disgusting comment. I guess we have to agree to disagree right?
Well Siddis, Thank you. That is rather generous of you.Your referance to me as a potential “pervert” was indeed hurtful and to me evil because to know me and my daughter is to understand how strong and beneficial involved DADs (single parents) can be to a child – boy or girl. I serve on the school PTA board of directors, show up and paint the school on weekends, volunteer in various classrooms to assist in math and writing skills of my daughters peers, braid her hair, wisk her off to ballet, etc – all so that she sees that we DADS are a competent bunch of people who do indeed care about their children- not to mention the fact that being a father is great fun!!. Many if not most women and men are very possesive about the standard roles as parents and want for us men to merely remain on the fringes and be a “Man”. As soon the rules change and a man must take the reins, those very same people find that their very own rules are threatened because “that is the way it has always been and therefore it is right” or yet other times when their was a traumatic and terrible experience – as you described. In closing, I found this site created by Scott and thought; Hmm, he seems quite reasonable and thoughtful. I read a few very thoughtful and respectful notes by others and then felt compelled to respond. What I did not expect was the sheer volume of hate notes I recieved and by very angrily crafted mannor. Your last note was crafted in such a way that provides a forumn in which to agree to disagree can indeed be a very agreeable place and certainly lends favorably for sharing and learning.
Cheers
I won’t contact you anymore
Well, whew!! Men, calm down! I’s not always about you!! Sometimes, it’s hard for men to understand, that a girl really should not be including dad in on her girl territory. Really!! Guys, listen, you all should not get all sensitive when we tell you all this. Don’t be bull headed. There was a time when girls could get together with other girls, sister, friend, and mom and aunt. It was not even about dad and his opinion at that time. Dad was fishing with the son!!
I’m sure that a dad would not want to include his wife into the conversation, when he is talking to the son about his erection and his noctournal emissions. That son may want to talk to his dad about masturbation. Can you understand the discomfort that this son would feel with mom sitting there during the converstion. Well, guess what dad?? The girl feels the same way. It’s just that society is playing some sick game on females, telling them that they do not need privacy, while we are told to let a man have a break away from us. We have thrown this new fad out at women so often, that they are finally being brainwashed and won over to the man’s way of thinking.This is a huge double standard and so unfair to females!! Suppose mom suggests that she take the son to get fitted for a sports cup or to the doctor about his genital being caught in the zipper, or that when the son gets an erection, we tell him to tell mom, that he has an erection. It’s the same thing with a girl. Is it possible for men to understand and care about a girl’s autonimy from dad and the need to discuss some things with only females?? Or are men just cold, harsh, arrogant, and mean??
This is not a one size fits all humanity. Their are 7 billion people in this world. are you trying to say that all 7 billiion people should fit into your little tiny box of logic? WRONG!
Stay away from those of us whose intentions are simply to be really great people. It is really quite simple…until people like you feel so damned compelled to try and make us wrong. This site is called “ONLY DADS”. It is meant to be a sanctuary from people like you.
Larry, you don’t own the world and it’s not always about you. The way you treated Siddis was wrong. If that is the way you treat people, you may want to seek some help.You can’t tell Siddis nor me how to talk!! The world needs to avoid people like you. In case you didn’t know, this is still a free country!!!! You can’r bully people on this site.
I was not attempting to move you. I am simply raising my daughter to be the complete oposite of you and others like you.
Period.
Listen, men, women are not suggesting that you cannot share in the guidance of the daughters. You all just need to respect female oundaries. That’s why God made us different. When I was 12-15, my sisters hid girl stuff from dad and brothers, but we talked about other things with dad , because we respected his dad wisdom. We painted the house together, played baseball together, sang together but woa……… we sure as heck did not want to not buy tampons together.
You assume their is a GOD. You assume it is a boundry issue. You assume you are right and all knowing because YOUR family and YOUR God did something a certain way. I have, will continue to raise my daughter as good as any good parent could. That includes as good as Men and Women.
I am really frustrated with -people who assume they know best when in reality, most of us are really quite ordinary and do not posess any really super insights. Please Jean, you and others as closed minded as you are really getting old and most certainly have nothing to do in advancing the conciousness of human kind with your short sighted “godly” wisdom.
Just because someone speaks out against men dominating yet another area of a female child’s life, you label them close minded and getting old. You are a bully. You, Larrry, do not know me or any other person who comments here. You cannot accept the fact that other people have opinions just as you do. You want to be able to write your view, but you want to censor anyone who differs in opinion from you. Yes, I believe in God, and Larry, you can’t do a thing about that!! You are the old, close minded one, and you are indeed a buly. Your jibber jabber, doesn’t move me at all !!
I am not censoring anyone Jean. My very first comment on this site way back was that I was left with having to care for my daughter because her mother could not/would not. The courts, medical and phycological professionals (women and men) recognized the danger my child was in while in the hands of her mother. I stated that I was simply going to do my very best -and with the guidance of family, Pediatricians (Female), School Counselors (woman), Women friends, etc. I am happy to say that I adapted quite well. Yes- even proud.
Guess What? I was shocked at the outpouring of women and men who called me a pervert, disgusting, controling, wierd, censoring and the list goes on. FOR WHAT? For the fact that I feel compelled to participate in my childs life. with the unhappy outpouring that a man would acutally participate in his childs life, I did what primal men do- I defended myself. Not to control or censor, rather to state theh fact that I WILL NEVER BE DETOURED BY SCARED AND INSECURE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SAD AND SHORT SIGHTED VIEWS>
Jean, relax. Larry must be involved in his daughter’s puberty because he is a single dad. How can a mother teach her daughter about puberty if she isn’t there? I am not judging you, I just want you to calm down. Please stop assuming things without examining the facts first.
@ Eddy, you are a man, and you as a man, usually defend other men. I am not surprised. Why don’t you read the comments and refrain from telling others to calm down. Tell yourself to calm down Eddy. This is the problem with you males in this country. You tend to believe that because a female is vocal and speaks out in defense of females, that there is something wrong with her, while all the while men are free to make their opinions known. Eddy, you are so typical.
Any decent, ifair, intelligent, common sense, individual, can read these comments and see exactly what is going on.
Well said
Scott is the name of the person who created this site. It was created so that meaningful exchanges could be achieved, a place where reason would prevail with critical thinking opportunities, learning and sharing a priority. I must confess that I have read very few honest, holistic, gracious, open minded and gifted thoughts…………Instead, I continue to read responses from people who defy any degree of lucidity and richness of character ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….To you “Guest”, take a critical thinking class at your local Junior College. That class will give you some tools to separate logic and reason from stoic, myopic (look up the definition) and biased messages. “Jean”, who I consider to be really offensive, represents a critical mass section of left over angry women who continue believing that all men are controlling and evil and all that “stuff”. (their are also plenty of men who are her equal-unfortunately). My very first post stated that I am in a position to raise my daughter because her mother ran off. So, I did a novel thing – I figured I could also run away like that WOMAN did or I could stay put and raise a child – who happens to be a girl. Hmmm, sounds reasonable. Good thing I did stay put. My ex wife-my daughters mom, is now over 500 miles away. I suppose when my daughter asks the …GASP, question about puberty!!, I should put an ad in the newspaper 500 miles away asking if anyone has seen my child’s mom and if you do hear from her, let her know that my daughter has a question. I will wait patiently and obediently for your response since only a women can answer those questions because if I dare answer, I am doing so at the risk of being really gross, controlling of women and other such incredibly intelligent declarations from Jean “Wildhair” oops, Wildcat
why cant u just give someone privacy? even if u hav the right, just give ur daughter privacy! im not saying that you should not get involved. im saying that being too involved make people feel as though u r controlling them. at that age, teenagers are usually rebellious. and furthermore, she is a girl. Just give her the freedom. I understand that u seem like someone she loves deeply and could trust. she would eventually come to you when she needs you. Why do u have to be so stubborn?
“Guest”, you are myopic, shortsighted, ignorant, perplexing, shallow and exhibit the sort of “reason” which is so very unfortunate in any culture. My daughter is not a teenager. You say I should give my daughter privacy. I assume you then believe she will figure out what to do for her first period on her own or hand me a sealed list when “she is ready” for deodorant, shaving supplies, sanitary napkins and face cleanser? She is 11. Her mother is 500 miles away. My daughter is pre-pubescent and therefore I cannot “wait for her to ask questions when she needs me”. Her mother is not around to ask questions. Shall I therefore step back and forfeit filling in for the purpose of fulfilling her needs? Shall I simply wait for her to come to me when she turns 15? Or perhaps, I should tell her to ask the other 5th ad 6th graders for information? After all, I would not want to be “Stubborn”. I acknowledge that it is more common for girls to lean on mothers regarding puberty – “girl issues”. That is common knowledge in Western Society. That DOES NOT however mean that it is “un-natural” for an opposite sex parent to participate – or for that matter to take the lead when the situation presents itself. YOU my dear are the one being stubborn. I AM the one who is stepping up to the plate and assuring my daughter has the appropriate information and supplies. I am saddened at your comments as they are typical of so many people – unfortunately. Your comments are of a “HERD MENTALITY”, void of depth and reason and logic and compassion. Your view is precisely the reason their are useless struggles between men and women.
Larry, the way you treated Jean & Siddis was wrong. There’s no point in making a big deal out of nothing period.
Eddy,
By responding to your comment herein clearly shows that I am not above participating in low level dialogue. Our culture (which includes but is not limited to you and Jean) is full of short sighted, myopic and unprepared -even unrefined people. Predictably, you and Jean represent a cross section of folks who are merely passing on the very judgements and “way it should be’s” that were learned by your and others parents which was passed down from their parents, parents and so on. The words of Jean – like others were/are uninformed. The words come from a place of being completly uninformed – much like most voters who march in on election day never haven read a ballot or done their homework about the issues. Rather they simply decide their party by the candidate with the best smile or becuase your parents voted for that particular party. No REAL investgation, thorough analysis of the facts or ACTUALY knowledge is employeed in casting their vote – or in this case casting your “vote” at my position without knowing anything.
My amazing daughters “mother” is not in our lives – more importantly, she is not in my daughters life. She has repeat DUI’s, terminated from a bank for embezzlement, charged by the courts for child abuse of our child, stole our hard earned retirement funds from me and the list goes on. ME? I simply did what most strong minded and committed parents and professionals would do – remain committed to providing the best we can for a child. in my case I work very hard to provide my daughter with a beautiful life experience complete with a solid education, healty diet, clean and safe home, opportunities for exporing the arts through dance and Creative writing, international travel to 7 foreign countries, mastering the four basic swim strokes and soon to be certified in CPR and recieving her baby sitting certificate through the local hospital. Oh and yes, I DID and will continue to educate her the very best I can on the care of HER body as prescribed by her pediatrician, child counselor and the relentless pursuit of responsible data in support of child rearing.
Jean called me a bully and disgusting and un-god like, Siddis (who later and in a very mature manner -apologized) referred to me as a pervert and others with simillar very dispariging comments are ill informed and are ACTUALLY THE ONE’S who are unreasonable and judgemental and for who’s children I worry about :(.
Finally (take a breath). Have you ever attended over 50 classes on child raising? Have you ever even once sat down with a pediatrician, school counselor and child physcologist at the same time and room together at your expense for the purpose of becoming the most educated and informed possible? Do you spend 100% of your awake hours raising a child by yourself? Are you an active member of the school PTA and a father who takes his time without pay to volunteer at the elementary school of your child or sets up the tables for the girl scout cookie sale at the local supermarket? Our culture – especially women and the courts hates men who do not participate in the upbringing of our children. WHEN those of us me who ABSOLUTELY are committed to the welfare of a child does step in, then people like you, Jean, Siddis and others become very very unreasonable and judgemental and deffinitely show that you have not done your own discovery and are not prepared for considering when circumstances REQUIRE a Father to be a really GOOD FATHER despite the religous right or the naysayers or those who are merely doing it the way they learned like a bunch of sheep – or simply do not have the ability or desire
You and others have never once considered that my (or others who share my position) beautiful child may actually be benifitting from my assumed role.
Maybe (probably) my child will grow up with the abillity to decern from good, open minded, respectful, involved and careful men versus the other option(s)
It offends me on how you accuse me of being judgemental when you are judging me of being judgemental. There was nothing in my comment that would make people assume I am judgemental. I was just telling the truth. I do not feel like attacking you because you are a single father and you MUST be involved in your child’s puberty. Siddis and Jean have a different side of things; and that’s okay. Everyone is welcome to form their opinion, even if it’s odd and distorted. Many people feel threatened about this because they are concerned about the privacy rights and/or general rights of women, and may think that all that is going out the window. I’m just saying that there is no point in arguing with Jean & Siddis and try to change their thoughts on this because their opinion will never change. Everyone has rights to believe what they want to believe.
There is no reason in mentioning Siddis, because you did say he apologized. I saw his apology, and it seemed like a real apology. Please feel free to attack me all you want, but I don’t care. I am not judging you or assuming anything of you, I’m just telling it like it is. People will say their opinions online.
I agree with you Eddy
@Jean “wildcat”,
I am not defending anyone, Jean. I am explaining the reason why Larry is involved in his daughter’s puberty. Now, If I knew Larry wasn’t a single father, I wouldn’t be “defending” him like you accuse me of. I find it hurtful that you think all men are the same. Every man is different. Your comment is stuck in the 50s. In fact, most men believe that women should speak up for themselves. You are stereotyping all men and implanting your personal situation with this. Every single family is different. In Larry’s case, he is a single dad so he has no other choice but to teach his daughter about puberty. He doesn’t have a wife to look up to. Please don’t make judgements without looking at the facts.
This is all very interesting.
Long ago, This guy named Larry chose to share his very real life eperience about his enthusiasm for his honest to goodness gift of stepping up to the plate and getting involved in raising his delightful and beautiful liittle girl and equally as beautiful was his unbridled and unfettered enthusiasm on a pretty cool sight created by a pretty cool guy. That sight is called “Only Dads”. Hmmm he thought, open forumn, open minded people maybe? Raising his child meant figuring out tampons and bras -not to mention how to broach the tender subject :). After all, Larry sorta considered himself a “liberated” fella, a thoughtful guy that wanted to break down the barriers and dispell the myth that men did not want to actually help out around the house, wash the dishes and raise his child. Oh, but it turned out that many people were not at all comfortable with the notion that a guy would move into such protected and sacred waters. Many of those people hurled pretty hurtful words such as “Pervert”, “Disgusting”, “Peeping Tom”, “Controlling”, “un God-like” and other such things. Gosh he thought, all he was trying to do was give his precious liittle girl everything his could cuz the one women in her life ran away. Larry tried to explain but to no avail, Larry was offended and became defensive and people do not like that and began throwing spears.
Another person whose name is “Jean” apparantley felt that Larry and allothers like him were/are disrespectful of a women’s boundry. In fact, she is convinced all men are keen on controlling all women and are going to do all they can to take away their voice and liberties. Yep, there is a precedent for such things in our history. Yes, their are likely those fellas who still find that a viable option. But whoooooaa Nellie, Larry is not one of them fellas. Another fella named Eddie seems also to be sayiing the same thing.
As far a Larry can tell, This fella named Eddie was participating in the “Only Dads” forumn much teh same as many others – simply to participate.He generally disagrees with Larry’s position if their are women in the girls life,though concedes that as a practical matter, he is employing the second best option – he is raising his daughter. Larry and Eddie agreedto disagree on the father raising girls when women are present.
As far as larry can tell, Jean also is participating in the forumn which by the way was created for ‘Only Dads” so that we Dads could find resources, ask questions, give input – even agree to disagree. Women- you to are welcome by all means. Please however, realize that men speak their own language just as you do. we must all acknowledge that we do indeed have differances.
Going back to my very first entry in this site – I was simply sharing my reality because my wife ran away and left me with a very little girl to raise. I am going to raise her no matter what you think. Or anyone else. eddie and I also disagree though he did not curse me nor call me a pervert nor claim that I am going against gods will. he was actually defending your right to speak your piece which angered me because you were in fact attacking me with passive agressive attitude and woa is me nonsense under the guise of womens rights.
eddie and are are not allies any more than you and I are. He is simply applying Logic with equal opportunity – void of discrimination!
Enough arguing about this… let’s make peace.
Peace it is then. 🙂
Larry
I’m a full time step mom to a 9 year old who is starting puberty and we have a unique situation. Birth mom did some serious emotional damage and parental alienation against my husband and I before she moved away leaving us with custody of my step daughter. I have a daughter of my own and had no problem talking to her about puberty. With step daughter she still refuses to interact with me unless she needs something. (We’re still trying to undo some of her emotional damage after three years.) no naturally she refuses to talk to me about puberty. I passed on the books I used with my daughter to my husband so he can try. She refused saying “I don’t need to read about anything I can’t change anyway”.
She’s obviously…
1. Uncomfortable talking to me or her dad
2. More then likely upset that her own mom isn’t here to teach her (its naturally a mother/daughter thing).
Any tips on helping break the ice or getting her to open up and talk about it either with me or my husband would be greatly appreciated. We know she’s hurting about her mom leaving but we don’t want her to go through this refusing to learn about herself or knowing want to expect because she’s angry that “mom” is supposed to do this with her and she’s not here anymore.
Sorry about your situation, Amber. Your step-daughter, I think, is avoiding you because of anger that her mom died, and her dad remarried. I would recommend getting her counseling, because she needs to fix her emotional self. I honestly don’t think she is angry at you, but is feeling extreme anger or dissapointment on other adults in her life and is taking it out on you. Peace.
It, indeed, saddens me how people could be so judge-mental.
Why, because young females prefer to talk to their moms, and other females about girl stuff, and not dad??
Would you be as sad if you found out that boys prefer to talk to dad, and not mom about boy stuff?? would you call men judgemental, if those men said that, young boys prefer to talk to their dads about boy stuff, and not moms? What does judgemental have to do with boundaries and privacy for a girl????
You’re judging a man who’s done nothing to you. You don’t know his situation and you refuse to open your mind. You use incorrect and biased logic to support your argument.
Not sure if your question is rhetorical Brian. LT
Jean. gender preferances regarding discussions between children and adults are general though not exclusive. in a world of 7 billion people, their are bound to be plenty of us who are blessed to be open to cross gender enlightened conversations with our beautiful children. I suppose I will never be comfortable with a person who makes such a declaration of “boundaries/privacy” as a genetic law of nature which has no alternatives other than your very single opinion – yes, opinion. my 10 year old daughtermuch prefers to talk to me about her growing up than her mum. Yep, all that talk of puberty is a very comfortable subject matter for her (and me). yep, she has her aunties and grandmother and teacher and pediatrian and girl freinds, and if ever her mother becomes interested, that could be an option….if she becomes interested. in the meantime their are men who are really pretty good at being available to our children. If I had a son, i would very much encourage him to have puberty base conversations with aunty, grandman, woman pediatrician and me if he wants. my daughers knows I care -deeply of her weel being and education. her education does not end with 2+2 or ABC. Life is also part of education and life is not one big monolith of “how to raise a child”. Please, be aware that some of us adults including men andn women take raising our children very lovingly and seriously and that includes being open minded. how about that for an idea?
Question: is it right for a man age 40 to answer questions about a 11 year olds boobs/ chest to the child if the child ask. Exact question- does my can you see my boobs since I’m not wearing a bra ???? Please help I feel like this is sick. The answer back I feel should of been . Your not suppose to ask a man/ boy that kind of question.
Kim, There are over seven Billion people in the world. I assume we can agree this is a very big number – yes? I presume that you believe all people should adhere to your assertion “that kind of question” (asking puberty related questions) should never be addressed by a parent of the opposite sex to their child? Hmmmm, I guess that means that Fathers like myself who care full time for their young children should simply tell her, “sweetheart, I am not supposed to participate in your upbringing about these sort of things”. Is that what you are saying? All around me I hear women (and men) declaring we men should be more involved in our little girls lives because it is not fair that Moms are left to do all the work at home raising them. So, for those of us men who listened – and decided to participate, we now have women (like you) editing out what we can and cannot do. Hmmmm. Call me “Sick” (that is your word), but in the meantime, I will continue to strive for being a really solid Dad, one who buys her ballet slippers and knows what size shoes she wears and knows how to braid her waist long hair and that 1% milk is good for her body, and skin care and sun screen crucial. A Father that knows that his little girls Pediatrican (Mrs Smith), will help me with “girl stuff”. That includes understanding what her body needs and WHEN it needs it.
Hmmmm. Sounds pretty reasonable to me 🙂 Signed, very focused Father>
My parents are together, and I can talk to my mom about period stuff. My mom and I read a book about it when I was about 9 (I think she wanted to make sure I understood exactly what periods were and what they were for), and I got my period when I was 10. I tried to get my dad to read the book with me one time, but when he was only a few pages in, he, FLIPPED OUT!!!!!! I think he needs to understand that PMS affects me SO seriously that I can barely control what I say and do (it doesn’t affect my mom that seriously). He only notices how I behave, and doesn’t usually ask how I’m feeling and what is making me feel that way. Because I have Asperger Syndrome (now called High-Functioning Autism), it’s more difficult for me to express my emotions appropriately, but I think it would help me to do so if people would ask me how I’m feeling, and what is making me feel that way. I’m also hypersensitive to sensory stimulation (very common for people on the Autism Spectrum), so I think I might also be hypersensitive to the hormone fluxes that occur in my body right before my period.
Gee why are people judging Larry so much??
@Larry,
Sorry if you felt attacked. I was responding to Jean’s comments.
Thank you Brian. I am perplexed at the venomous responses from men and women. I read back to my very first entry and shared that I had become a single dad with full custody and was aiming at doing the I could now that I was going it alone. I heard primarily angry responses, some real mean spirited assaults on my character and overall little to no support. your comment took me a bit by surprise as I had not experienced support previously. My daughter is now 11, near straight A student, danced with the Moscow Ballet the past two years and has been selected to mentor the younger children at her public elementary school and has three best friends, two girls and one boy. Cheers. Larry
Larry, you are a wonderful father, it’s heart-warming that you take such a rational, forward-thinking view of a topic that’s such a natural part of life. Thanks to your logical, no-nonsense approach, your daughter’s understanding of her progression through puberty into womanhood as well as the evolution of her worldview will be far-reaching; with regards to not only her acceptance of her sexuality and physiology but also her development of a secure, healthy self-concept.
Your courageous stance will, additionally…cement your role as a dependable, confidential source of trustworthy advice that will ensure that the wisdom and guidance you impart will be held in high esteem for years or decades to come.
Best of luck through every stage of your parenting journey, your daughter is fortunate indeed!
Just wanted to say I completely agree with Larry.. I am fourteen years old and I’m not saying my dad is as involved as Larry (but that’s because I have my mum to talk to) however, if my mum is away working and I come on my period what am I supposed to do? Call my mum? No. I have to talk to my dad, because at the end of the day it’s a natural part of life. I’m not saying if you don’t get involved in your daughters periods your not parenting right, but if you do get involved it certainly isn’t perverted!! Yes, like a lot of teenagers talking to my dad about it is embarrassing but sometimes you have too! Luckily growing up I had my older sister my and mum to talk to so I always knew what a period was, but if you don’t have that female influence I think it’s incredibly important that your dad is open and is happy to talk to you about it ( I’m not attacking anyone here as everyone has different opinions and beliefs on the matter) but you certainly shouldn’t attack Larry – because he’s the mum and dad. You have to see it from his point of view, whether you agree or not. But again, I’d definitely prefer my dad happily going to our local shop to buy tampons for me, rather then me having to go and get them ( when you come from a small village like I do, you know the shop workers and probably everyone in the shop, which is so embarrassing) Good old dad! If every girl was brought up like Larry brings up his little girl then it would be considered normal! Well done to you Larry, you sound like an awesome dad and you’re a credit to your little girl! 🙂
Sincerely, the 14 year old girl
Aside from the support you have shared which is very thoughtful, I would also like to acknowledge your excellent writing style, use of logic and basic reasoning/critical thinking skills. It was also gracious of you to be supportive of all persons prerogative to handle things the way they feel appropriate for their situations-agree or not. It comes down to doing our best and from our heart that matters most………………. I am going to share your comment with my daughter – not because your seem supportive of my parenting “style”, rather at how you respect all points of view and articulate them well. Cheers.
I am a single dad of four girls. My eldest is 12 and beginning her period. My mum, 92+ years old, has given my girls and myself a good education about the female anatomy, and puberty. My daughters feel more comfortable with grand memaire telling them about what they need to know. Thank you mom.bobcorps
Grandparents can be very nice. I wish my daughter had the chance to meet her grandmother though sadly my mother passed away twenty five years ago. But fortunately like you, While i remaing my childs guide in nearly all domestic” aspects of her life, their are people in our lives who have helped me along with anatomy and puberty. My daughters pediatrician and aunt are amazing. It would really be great if her aunt lived a bit closer.
Thanks for sharing. Larry
Thanks, Larry
I have to say I am quite disturbed by Larry’s need to”defend” his parenting skills. What makes his actions appear perverted is his need to not only defend so passionately but his need to rip apart anyone who opposes him. I’m not saying he is wrong but I am saying he is a tad bit too invested in my opinion. I will not lie, I found this site while searching out answers to my questions because I feel my husband is taking too much notice in my daughter’s growth and development. Do I think my husband is perverted or that he would harm his step daughter? No. Do I think it is inappropriate for a grown man to not only take notice in a young girls development but to comment on it as well? Yes I do. My husband has spoken to me candidly about my daughter’s boobs, body hair, soon to be onset of her menses and today the fact that he could see her panty lines through her dance attire. His comments disturb me mostly because these are not things a grown man should take notice of. I have tried several times to tell him it was inappropriate and he appeared to be perverted. Today I had to put my foot down and tell him I don’t want to hear another thing about my 12 year olds body coming out of his mouth. Some commenters are correct. Our morals have gone out the window. There is nothing wrong with a single parent trying to educate their child the best they can. However there are some things that should be left alone by the opposite sex due to the fact you will NEVER fully comprehend it enough to educate someone else. A man can give a female a textbook answer to menses and growth and development but that is all. He can not explain to her how it feels or the emotions that are tied to it. I have a son as well..13years. Aside from the sex talk and how babies are born or how sexually transmitted diseases can come about, I have never tried to talk to him about growth and development. I have bought him books and sought the assistance of his father, stepfather, grandfathers, uncles and even coaches. That is not my place. I will NEVER comprehend how he is feeling at this stage in his life. While I applaud men like Larry for wanting to be involved I have to be honest in my opinion and say you are over stepping your boundaries. I understand there are single fathers to little girls out there but female growth and development is not a subject that a father should be handling. Its delicate and so much could go wrong if taken out of context or your actions are misinterpreted. Its better to be safe than sorry and seek outside help from woman you trust to assist the young girl than take it on yourself and risk opening a door for investigations for pedophilia. The same with women. Larry is not the first single father of a little girl and will not be the last. He can volunteer and do all those wonderful things he described in his posts and still raise a beautifully well rounded daughter without infringing on her privacy. Yes I said privacy. Her body is hers and hers alone. I am most positive that had she started developing and had questions she would have gone to her father and he could have brought someone in to speak with her. From what I gather he did not wait for that to happen naturally, he infringed and that I have an issue with. My own 12 year old told me she thinks its nasty and gross when her “dad” comments about her growing up and her breasts. It makes her feel uncomfortable. That is common with most young girls. I don’t think larry gave his daughter a say so in the situation and she is most likely holding her true feelings from him. I could be wrong, my opinion only.
Jai, I feel dreadfully sorry for you. Your words are so awfully void of richness that i cannot call upon my soul to comment out of defense or intellectual exchange. You are missing out on the beauty of life and what it means to see……. Your lengthy comments are a bit like a great big loaf of white bread – lots of volume but fully lacking in life sustaining and more importantly, life building content. Community Colleges offer classes in “Critical Thinking” and “Applied Logic”. Just saying.
I feel sorry for your children.
Larry
Larry makes great points, which for some reason are being ignored. He is a caring loving father, who is not imposing himself on his daughters “girl space” or invading her privacy. But showing that in the absence of a caring mother figure, there is no reason why Dad’s cannot ‘parent’ a girl, and as part of that parenting be prepared to guide a girl though puberty. He is not asking to be there at every step as she grows and develops, but merely being there as a supportive and loving father should be. I am step-mother to two 11 year old girls whose mother will not speak to them about puberty and therefore they have asked their father for advice. If they start their periods when they are our house and I am not around, who should they turn too – their mother who will not answer their calls. Would you rather he and Larry turned round and told their girls to go ask someone else the questions they have. It is absolutely ridiculous to think that a girl cannot and should not ask for advice from her father, and that in return the father should not seek to help their daughter. Likewise if a son asked a single mother questions, it would be abhorrent for the mother not to help her son. Trust and honesty in a family will mean that any topic can be discussed. Children have two parents and if one isn’t there to guide them then reliance is on the other regardless. I think some people on here need to drag themselves out of the dark ages, and appreciate good parents for what they do. As a parent I would be honoured if any child of mine came to me for advice on any topic, and certainly wouldn’t be telling them to go elsewhere for answers. it is your job as a parent.
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Kazj, I am also happy that I feel fortunate to love this “job” and it does feel wonderfully healthy when my daughter – who is now twelve, looks to me for guidance/advice for anything she NEEDS. Wanna know something even more controversial than a parent who guides a child of the opposite sex? I traded in my Volvo sports sedan for a mini van so that i can haul around my daughter and her friends – male and female and volunteer transportation for her middle school on field trip days !!!
STOP
🙂
I think your aite is terrible. Dads who are not diveroced should atay out of their daughters life when she is going through puberty. Let her bring him in when she feels comfortable. Dont talk about it if you want her to feel comfortable when she talks to you. My dad talked to me about puperdy when i wasnt ready and it made me feel uncomforable. I tried as hard as i could to keep puberty out of the conversaitoin but he always worked itself in. If you want people to like your site i suggest telling the dads to not talk about puberty untill it is abosoltely necesary.
PS. Maria, I suggest using spell check and grammar. Your message will be taken more seriously. LT
Beside the point, Larry. She is correct in what she wrote.
Maria, Thank you for sharing your strong opinion. My guess is you are a very young person. LIke you, many of us also have views and opinions which we value and which are both thoughtful, well meaning and very different than yours. May I suggest that you consider that “telling the dads to not talk about puberty…” might not fit everyone’s values and therefore to suggest all men in the world not discuss puberty might very well be a tad bit short sighted and lacking in a mature and open hearted opportunity to be involved with the upbringing of our amazing children. For some people, open communication with lots of care and respect is really great and an opportunity to teach/learn in ways that are quite healthy. Respectfully, A Dad with a young daughter who says “thank you Dad” all the time for discussing lots of things – including puberty.
It is indeed rare for a girl to tell her dad thank you for talking about her period and her breasts. (. Ha ha ha ha ha). Such a corny joke!! Sometimes men get so carried away with wanting to be in charge of everything and everybody, including their daughters and the wives, that they place themselves into girl talk settings, including a mother -daughter chat about breasts and periods . How weird. Why are you men trying make it be okay to discuss periods and breasts.
Wow!!
Jean, I will leave these last words for your hyrbid “wisdom”/ “insults”. As a practical matter, I doubt you will have the capacity to comprehend though. Their are well over seven billion people on this planet. You read this men’s forum and choose to insert your perspective. Great! you are welcome to as a balanced dialogue is useful – key word here “balanced”. Getting back to the world population – given your rather myopic perspective, I must assume your opinion must be deemed universal and if so, that means that in all your wisdom, all the men of the world cannot wander into the world of their opposite gender’s world i.e. their daughter – men who’s wives have died, mothers who have run off (my child’s mother), and men who are liberated from the likes of your “wisdom” and choose to participate with great taste, dignity, enthusiasm, caution and brilliance…and even a wonderful dose of awkwardness (me). I read the words of the likes of people like you and I can’t for the life of me feel anything other than sorrow and empathy as your kind have not had the opportunity to evolve upright. Strong men, tender men, men who care enough to care are setting examples for young children, both girls and boys to grow up with a rich understanding of what a good man with authentic intentions and clarity of action which can be TRUSTED. You and your kind complain at men for not being in the lives of children though when we do, you then say WHOA!!!, you apparentley did not mean us guys can actually participate in the CARE of children!.So, while I don’t generally “place myself into girl talk settings”, I have actually become pretty effective at creating opportunities for my daughter to have her own settings in a safe and nurturing environment – I look good in an apron and bake a great cherry pie – despite my abundant belly. Last week, three of my childs friends came over and we planted potatoes and they got their fingernails really…gasp!, dirty. 6 weeks from now they all want to come back and make a pot of potato soup – my recipe. And yes, my daughter and I will go shopping for her training bras and dance gear – She danced with the Moscow ballet at the age of 11..can’t help bragging a bit about her :), we will discuss periods in the context of understanding the process of growing up.admittedly, I do need coaching from her amazing female pediatrician who is really kind and also supportive
So Jean, please take this to heart and attempt to believe that your fundamentalist christian “values” do have a place for good parenting – regardless of the gender of the parent. Aside from my sarcasm, medium grade intellect and grandstanding, my “wisdom” is sound and valuable and you truely could learn much. I am gratefull for all the really great, supportive women in my life who give me tips and encouragement. Please try to open up to good people – male or female. Cheers, LT
Oh, and one more thing Jean, your rantings date back to 2012 and your theme is a girls world is exclusive to mothers and we guys are not permitted and we feel compelled to control the world and dominate and all that sort of “stuff”. I find it interesting that you don’t like men playing a parenting role in our daughters lives, you nonetheless feel it ok to venture into “Only Dads”..hint; this is a site for (Men) to share, get ideas and generally learn and share the adventures of parenting but while we are controlling and don’t have a well developed sense of boundries, you and other women have chosen to insert your dogma into this men’s sanctuary! True unabashed hyprocra
cy my dear.
Okay Larry, I have not made personal attacks on you. But since you want to be rude in your comments, I can be rude too.
Give it up Larry. You have a real problem!! Listen Larry, you are not a female. Accept that fact and get off the Internet ranting about private girl matters. That is so inappropriate. The only persons who will try to agree with you are other men who are misguided like you.
It is not your right. You are a man and no female wants you in their business. Stop trying to push up in your daughters’ private business.
All you need to be concerned about, are penises, testicles, and ejaculations. You are a male person. Give it up. Get over yourself!!
Critical thinking and applied Logic are not your strengths Jean.
Ok, just my opinion so please don’t bash at me (or others), but I think that Jean has some good points and Larry also has some good points. It’s great that Larry is so invested in being the perfect dad and is trying to ensure that his daughter isn’t missing out on any info because her mom is MIA, but it’s also true that most girls would PREFER to go to a female when talking about her body. I think that just constantly letting your daughter know that you are there for her and are willing to answer even the most awkwardest questions is enough. I think Jean is trying to say that suddenly having a face to face talk with her is maybe infringing on the girls personal privacy. Give her some books to read and if she has questions and comes to you, then you should obviously answer them or you could give her more books or both (hey, more practice for her research skills XD). This way you can be sure that you are being respectful to how she feels about this topic while helping her at the same time. Also I do understand that you are a single dad, doesn’t mean you can’t give her books first, and let her come to you later on (unless you already did this which would make this whole blurb…a blurb). Again, I commend for trying to fulfill both the mother and father role to the best of your abilities. 🙂
Also although I don’t believe in God either, don’t question another’s beliefs as a way to insult him/her.
And although you may feel hurt by some comments, take the high road and don’t use petty insults such as calling one stupid, or close-minded. Plus you yourself could be considered as close-minded for immediately dismissing Jean’s opinions. Also just because someone agrees with you does not mean the person has a good writing style or is intelligent. There is no need for anyone to have great writing just to write a post on the Internet. (To everyone) INSULTS ARE BAD, DONT DO IT. and doing it to someone you don’t know on a personal level with the Internet hiding you is just cowardly.
Hi Hetalia. You make good points and no bashing will come of this!. Yes, I have defended myself herein. I suppose that is the “regular guy”/inherent limitation part of me. – “Doh!” Like most of us, I have my darn trigger points and I will respond to your input/response in a manner which you find sensible though not departing from my communication approach.
What I find perplexing is I originally came to “Only Dads” to reach out to other men – a pretty sensible thing to do I figured. Nothing more or Less. My story is not unique. Hard working and commited Father/husband (parent) finds himself with a little girl (9) to raise cuz other parent.(Mom) left the area suddenly and without notice. Kinda of a big deal all of a sudden for me (yes all of a sudden).
Yep, I did all the reaching out to Mom stuff but she was GONE. So, that is where Dad comes in. HE figured out that until he could figure out things differently, it was up to him to sort things out. Lawyers, Pediatricians, Big sister not very close to my area, day care provider, hired a female counselor for my daughter (I received coaching from her to!). I asked a hair dresser to teach me how to make a bun for my daughters ballet class, found myself figuring out what size shoes and pants she needed and how not to mix colors in the laundry wash cycle.
I assumed every single responsibility in her life because her MOM abandoned her (and me). homework, hair care (she has a lions mane of a head of hair), bedtime stories, play date arrangements, teeth flossing….get where I am going?
Yep, I sought help from women but I had to pay for that help cuz there were no family members near enough to help me. I cant afford a nanny. I am a construction manager who has few delicate women around me. So again, it was all up to me. I did not wait for others to step in cuz there was no one around to fill that void.
It was up to ME. So I raced full steam ahead to learn every damn thing I could to be the best I could/can. My little girl – any little kid requires and deserves it. Guess what? I learned quickly and many around me were pleased at my abilities. Unfortunately, I became surprised at how many women were/are not comfortable with a large, alpha male with a truck and mini van venturing into there world. I would sit amongst the large group of women at the parent teachers conference being treated like an alien creature. If I offered input, i was greeted with patronizing smiles as if to say…”how cute that big guy trying to braid her hair”,
Yes, I purchased growing up books recommended by her Pediatrician, paid counselor, school counselor and my own relentless hours spent online googling every version of “how to’s” on the careful raising of a young girl. I fricking spent every god damn penny i had doing research, hiring “professionals”. I asked questions like an inquisitive grade school student.
Along the way, when reaching out, I continue to to be met with the distastefull, toxic and shortsighted likes of Jean or Marie or others in this forum and every other forum out there. Now sometimes I “defend” myself – I lash out with talented and though provoking words meant to dismiss them. Yep, this average guy does resort to low level stuff which comes from a primal place just like you and all else.
Read back to my original post on this site. I was reaching out with the best of intentions and in the spirit of goodwill. 70% or more of the responses were filled with women telling me to stay out or a girls world (those same women are criticizing people in for DADS only site), i have been called a pervert, sick, control freak, disgusting and so on. Why?
Because I did what so many accuse we men of not doing- being in the trenches for our children.
So, Frankly, I do bite my tongue, tame my words and craft them in a way which is meant to dismiss and set aside the stupidity of some of those on this site. Good writing is usefull. It suggests thoughtfullness, clarity of thought and usefull intelligence.
LT
Hello all,
I am amazed to see this thread still going. I found it while searching for how to handle my little girl through the various stages of her development (life). I have an older son also which I am doing my best. I am happily married and both of us are present and try to stay very involved with our children. Privacy when needed and guidance always.
I have to say I am a discussed with the majority of the comments on here. You people are absolutely discusting. Anyone who looks at a parent and thinks they are a perv for being on there child’s life, boy or girl should take a good look at themselves. Puberty is part of life you losers. Yes losers is the appropriate word here because you are failing at life and are apart of what the f@$k is wrong with the world today.
My wife makes sure my boy cleans his penis properly and inspects it. I clean my daughter’s vagina. I even OPEN IT UP TO MAKE SURE IT IS CLEAN OF POOP!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! You horrible people for judging Larry. Who in the hell do you think you are? Jean? You have daddy issues? Men issues? We’re you abused in some way obviously.
Any man on here posting against what he feels is right when there is not a woman around is not a man. You another pathetic soul helping screw this world up even more.
If his daughter is comfortable speaking about every thing EVEN HER BOOBs OR VAGINA development that is a beautiful thing. Anyone who thinks other wide is probably a closet pedephile (spelling?), you get my point t. You are probably someone who has dirty thoughts. If she needs privacy or doesn’t feel comfortable that is a whole other story. From the sounds of it Larry will respect that and take necessary action.
Sorry if I sound so rude and may have grammar and spelling issues in this post. I am just so discussed with a lot of the close and discusting minded comments on here. You people should be ashamed of yourselves.
If my daughter wants to talk I will be here and I do not care if GOD says no. If my son wants to speak to my wife and not me…. so be it.
Sorry again for my crude post, but many on here discuss me.
Disgusting and disgust is what I was trying to say 🙂
TH;
I appreciate you standing up in support for anyone who understands the value of kids getting cared for- interesting concept eh?. When my daughters mother ran off, I felt really – really bad for my daughter but in about 1.5 seconds, I felt really strong and undaunted about standing up to take care of my daughter – kinda like “DUH”! I was not however prepared for the shots from those like Jean and Maria I was to take for entering into a “women’s world” – attending the parent/teacher meetings, airports for vacations to Disneyland and Hawaii, girls section of the department store looking for cute third grade cloths for the first day back to school and a flowery bathing suit for the swim lessons, sign ups for ballet, etc. Unfortunately, Jean and Maria are common voices against men “meddling” in parenting duties.
Your “bad grammar” and “rudeness” is refreshing and quite clear. 🙂 I was trying to avoid crudeness in the name of respect, but frankly, I wanted to curse like a sailor!
LT
Lol, well again I have to apologize… I was pretty heated and aging very disgusted in their thought process. I didn’t see in any way shape or for from your posts that your entering into the secret world of women. Again, I understand if your daughter or mine (anyone’s) is not comfortabke of course you, I, or whoever should back off and respect that. I am sorry so many people think your the perv when in reality it is the total opposite when their sick and pathetic minds even think that way. I am a professional under the age of 40, I make a very comfortable living and started with nothing. I’ve lived in every “class” . Again it makes me sick to my stomach the way the majority of the people view things such as this. They are usually the pervs or something happened to them through their up brining and they didn’t have the capacity to push through it. I was abused as a child. One of my father’s x wives sexually abused me. Get over it and move on. I did. You just have to be stronger and want better for your children. Which the majority of the people on here can’t do.
I can tell you are a proud individual and I am sure these people will not alter your thoughts. Just please, not for a second allow their twisted nasty thoughts persuade you in another way.
As for men trying to control everything?? Where the hell did that come from? Now I have to say something horrible. If most women think the way those two do… then us men need to step up and take control. As for the men stating it is wrong for you to do anything regarding her development, they are simply just not real men and definitely not a true father. WTF has society become? Lol
TH, I confess to being a bit dum-founded. There have been a few women and men who have been incredibly gracious with their responses to my posts. Of course there are those who find me perverted, sick, judgemental, and other wonderfull and I am certain – highly qualified assesments. Jean and Marie remind me that I lack in the understanding of boundries all the while their dreadfully boring comments are being thrust onto a Dad’s ONLY site! Hmmm, boundries anyone?
Actually, that last sentence of mine was simply to make a point of “boundries”. Actually, I don’t care any more than if this was a “Parents ONLY” site, ultimately I thought I was joining a fraternity of people who’s sole purpose was to share basic, good ole, tips from others.
I wonder if the anger being spewed at me is driven cultural differances. I am from California and gauging from some of the verbage by others herein, sounds as though this is an England based site?
I can assure you that Jean and her wildcats are useless sorts- truely but sadly. I cannot be swayed from my commitment to my child…DUH.
LT
Again. One more apology for spelling and grammar. This phone is acting up. Keys are all messed up a and to be honest I am too tired to go back and fix everything . None of my posts are meant to offend anyone. Or at least that was not my intention, but again it makes me sick to see the majority thinking they way they do. I fear for the future of mankind lol
I can see both sides of the issue. As the mother of a college aged daughter and one middle school daughter plus one one son, I remember when the oldest daughter Went though puberty. She emphatically did not want the period discussion to include my husband. I think this is what most girls prefer. It is no attack on the dad, just a little uncomfortable as a two gender discussion.
But things are changing these days according to what some of you reveal. But we must still respect a female’s desire to keep the discussion only with her on. I don’t think my son will one day come to me to discuss things with his manhood. I don’t think I as his mom would let it bother me much.
Kitt, There are NOT TWO SIDES of the “issue” to “see” in this circumstance. Period. Why can’t people..including you, see this? There are “no sides”. There is simple reality.
FACT…….The “woman/mother” in my child’s life ran off – left her daughter behind (when she was age 2)
behind for a man who beat his previous wife and children.
FACT……..Both of my daughters Grandmothers are gone (Dead).
FACT……..I work 55-60 hours weekly to earn enough to support us which leaves little time to “recruit
women to do the job”
FACT……..Many women on this site (ONLY Dads) are criticizing me (FATHER) for being to involved.
FACT……..NOT ONE woman herein has commented on the fact that her “mother” ran away.
FACT……..I do not have the luxury of a deciding on whether a “two gender discussion” is uncomfortable.
There is not a women in our home.
FACT……..MY daughter needs a parent, She ONLY has me.
I don’t have the luxury of considering if “this bothers me much”. as you stated. The inevitable will arise…she will begin her period some day…you think? Someone will need to help prepare….agreed? Just in case there is not a convenient women hangin around when the time comes, I made the very “bursting in decision” to educate/inform myself (and my daughter) on the subject of menstration. I will be here armed with solid information if she asks me to help….you think that is ok? (others do not).
I figured i better involve WOMEN so…….. I organized a meeting with her female pediatrician for a “one on one” between them discussion – while I waited in the parking lot…….. I paid for several sessions with a lovely women counselor to share with my daughter what menstration might be like. I then met with my daughters Pediatrician, called my adult women friends and asked what supplies should I have on hand for my daughter for her to access when the time comes.
There ARE opinions about – albeit painfully boring and disappointing ones. There are, others who are imposing there stupid , pathetic and myopic views on others. This is not a situation which is up for debate though others are trying to drift away from the very single, simple fact that there is the reality that my child’s mother ran away. I have no sisters or mother around to do the “women only parts of child rearing”. It is only me, a few thoughtful female friends, paid professionals and of course her teachers, etc. I am responsible for raising my child and tending to the basics and thus I am tending to the basics. BASIC. Child needs help – parent HELPS. Other than the fact that it is apparently taboo for one to tend to certain required needs for the opposite sex, what the heck is so controversial, confusing or “two sided” about this picture? Others are desperately trying to fit a square peg into a round hole on this topic. Again, when her mother left – suddenly, I of course needed to continue raising my daughter. I had to learn much- happily. Dietary requirements, birthday parties, shoe size, hair bands that did not tangle hair, and of course menstration. I ran across “Only Dads” – a place that was created for men who had questions about parenting. Sounded good so I signed up and asked a question. Guess what? Within days, I was hit with angry and hugely judgemental women (and a few men) who assaulted me with words like pervert, Sick, Control Freak, Pathetic loser, Man who is bursting in on a girls life, etc. WHOA!!, I just wanted to know how to improve my parenting by asking other men who might be in my shoes. So, on “ONLY DADS”, I was met with a slew of WOMEN who began hurling rocks at me for bursting into my daughters life!
While Women (and a few men) are beating the “I am disgusting drum” and “seeing two sides”, I am managing to raise a solid young young person who kinda respects her Dad. She has danced for 8 years and is now pre-professional Ballerina at the age of 13 who twice danced with teh Moscow Ballet, she has straight “A”s in school despite the fact that she has ADD, she mentors the younger students (male and female) at her school, is the poster child for “forgotten felines”- cat rescue center in our area.
Yep, I am sensitive about this matter.
Dear Larry, you have worked hard. If your daughter is pretty and sexually mature, i suggest you take her as a bed partner to provide comfort for you. You will enjoy the feeling of a young, nude girl lying beside you, and the taste of her nipples. Imagine the ecstasy of ejaculating inside her tight little pussy! Do it, you won’t regret a thing. Just make sure she is on the pill to avoid impregnating her. Good luck!
Ladies and gentlemen, I have reported The words of Paul Hu to Onlydads. Next will be my attorney then to the Government. You sir, have gone to far with such vile comments.
Hey, wow, don’t want to get in the middle of all this but kinda going back to the point of a place to share info… I got my girl a starter kit from Sanitary Owl before she started her period. There was a great book and info about how to do the dreaded chat amongst all the other kit (which was frankly over my head). It made it a lot easier and I definitely feel closer to her now that we both get whats going on. Definitely not a women-only topic!
thank you GT35. I have managed to find the right stuff for my daughter and we both have become pretty well educated. You are correct, not a women-only topic.
LT
Then let’s see you discuss your male business with your mom and your sister.
As father to 3 girls, two in their teens, I am very familiar with all the changes of puberty in girls. I have watched their breasts develop, seen hips widen, bought feminine products for them, and washed panties that had blood, discharge and (occasionally) semen stains on the crotch. All 3 of my girls are confident, pretty, sexy young women and I am proud when I see men looking at them in a sexual way. I feel like telling the men “I have seen them all naked and yes they are fantastic”.
Jean, you are a troll and don’t count.
LT, you are the real troll. Anyone here with common sense can tell thT you are the real troll. They can see that you are using the power of suggestion to other men here so that they will help you attack me. You are angry because this man made notion cannot survive. Just because a woman challenges you on female body autonomy and her right to a privacy from her dad, doesn’t mean anything wrong. As I share this article and your comment with the other females in my club, we cannot believe you actually think you as a man have the right to invite your butt into your daughter’s private girl business. It is about females not males LT.
Are you really pouting because a woman gives her opinion about hers and other females’ body experience , which men will never know? Really LT? You show some serious confusion. Be realistic LT. It IS, a woman only subject. You wouldn’t want a boy to share a penis and testicle, jockstrap, nocturnal discussion with his mom, would you? Or are you an equal opportunity sexist, double standard promoter?? Genital discussions should be shared with the like parent, grandparent, or trusted like-gender person.
Hey Jean, what is the name of this site?…………ONLY DADS…………again and undeniably, you are an under educated and myopic troll. Ewwwwwwwww. Go away- far away where others like you feed off tree bark. I am blocking you from further comments. Go find “Only Moms”….uh, er, um, “only trolls”. Enjoy your tree.
You blocked me from the discussion LT
Still trolling men’s sites?
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Allow our daughters to have dignity and privacy from dad. Respect your daughter, dad. It’s normal. Men can’t change a girl’s need for body privacy.
I just discovered this website today and I’m starting to feel unsure whenever if I should post this because I do not like to get judged at.
But I could point out to Larry that I have learnt something new that HELP me to better father. I thank to him to make me realised something today.
I could explain more about my situation but all these people commenting is very off putting. I just want some helpful insight to help me to adapt to be a better father and understanding my 11 years old daughter better.
– Deaf Dad UK
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