Dads Dads Dads!

This post contains the simplest of messages. But dads…please take it on board!

When you are in the middle of divorce/separation proceedings and wanting to secure regular meaningful contact with your children you have to behave impeccably.

The mailbox monster will be driving you bonkers, friends of your ex may be spreading rumours which aren’t correct. Your ex herself may be behaving in a way which is damaging your relationship with your children in all sorts of ways.

Your very masculinity will be under stress and strain.

But at this very point – when you find yourself sinking in the quicksand that is the British legal system you have to stop kicking and screaming. Rather, you must lie low and ask for help and support.

Here at OnlyDads we know how hard that is. But at stake is your life-long relationship with your children. Help and support is there. From friends and family, from numerous organisations like ours and Dadshouse and mediators and family solicitors.

It will be worth it….!

About these ads

About onlydads

Single Dad living near Totnes in Devon. I founded www.onlydads.org in 2007 and live with my daughters Priya, 14 and Anya 11. I write about single parenting, work, overcoming trials and tribulations and sometimes not overcoming trials and tribulations.
This entry was posted in Bob blogs, Family Law, Putting children first. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dads Dads Dads!

  1. Diana Jordan says:

    Excellent message and well put Bob. Not always possible for people to behave impeccably in these situations though so I would just add to anyone who has a little lapse, admit it and apologise, especially to your children. They will respect you more for that and there’s no harm in telling them you’re finding the situation difficult; that’s a reflection of your humanity, not your masculinity.

    Now, talking of masculinity, can any of you men out there help me please? I’ve just had a call from yet another distressed mother, suddenly abandoned by her husband of over 20 years who has run off with a younger woman, leaving his whole family in shock. I can understand that most of these men are having a male mid-life crisis but can someone please explain why they treat their children like s… when they’ve previously been good fathers? This particular one was straight on the phone to the mother blaming her for poinsoning the children against him when the poor woman didn’t even know her kids had texted him to say they didn’t want to see him again. Why do fathers bother to see their children at all while at the same time demonstrating they don’t have time for them, don’t want to spend money on them and sometimes are just plain nasty to them? Is it hormones or being in love that wreaks havoc with these mens’ brains?

    Any enlightenment gratefully received!

  2. Lara Lakin says:

    When I left my husband, his initial response was shock. It never crossed his mind that there would be a point at which I had had enough.

    His second response was, ‘all that matters is the children’. I wholeheartedly agreed.

    Then he started to see someone. And that’s when the trouble started…

    Sadly, when either party gets involved with another person, their judgement can be clouded. Undoubtedly they will talk in critical terms about their ‘soon to be ex’, and the person listening will take sides and undoubtedly influence them.

    Not a lot you can do about that. I dealt with it by taking the high moral ground. Bear in mind I had to suffer (amongst other things), coming home to find a woman’s shoes and clothes strewn around my sitting room, (because he wouldn’t move out), and the owner of the clothes asleep in the spare room bed he was using.

    Be the better person. Grit your teeth and do everything in your power not to lose your temper.

    You cannot control the other person. But you can control yourself.

    And believe me, when you come out of it, you will understand how much better you feel for the view from the high moral ground.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s