“Bob, have you joined our new OnlyMums and OnlyDads dating site yet? I bet you’ll meet the love of your life when you do”.
Rebecca knows how to put a man on the spot!
Love of my Life?
Do I really, I mean REALLY want to find the love of my life?
As with millions of other lone-parents I now find myself asking this simplest of questions; one that in my early twenties didn’t even get a moment’s thought. But now it seems to be a really good thing to ask.
I’ve been a full-time single parent now for 7 years. All single parents will agree there are some low points in raising children on your own (and they don’t need repeating in this post). But there are also some good things too. Broadly speaking, you get time to rediscover who you are and to re-evaluate your values and aims in life; these are rare commodities. Many of us born-again singletons take these opportunities seriously. And we can change as a result.
At the risk of sounding a little over analytical, Rebecca’s question left me asking who might this “love of my life” be?
Who are you?
Reviewing my “back catalogue” of previous relationships (not vast) I can state categorically that race, weight, height, hair colour, eye colour, or indeed age, have had any bearing whatsoever on who I have previously found attractive. It’s the same with religion and politics. I’ve fallen for Muslims, agnostics, Sikhs, atheists, Buddhists, Doc Martin-wearing left wingers and public school educated, stocking-wearing Tories.
I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I really don’t seem to have a “type.”
That, on the face of it, seems to have enlarged my search for the “love of my life” down to potentially anyone! But that is not quite true…
…well it’s not like I haven’t had time to think about things!
Certain traits and characteristics stand out for me now as highly appealing. I know (like I guess we all do) that no matter how sexy and good-looking someone is, unless there is that basic shared sense of common purpose, any relationship will be ultimately doomed!
So who then?
- Someone who is a bit odd! I have put this trait down first because it’s probably fundamental for me. Quirky might be a better word – I’m not sure. But someone who feels that they are a little uncomfortable in the world they live in is important to me. For one thing it gives them…
- …A questioning mind. I’ve already stated that particular religious and political beliefs are not that important. What is important (and I will bring in work and raising children at this point) is that all are approached with a questioning attitude. “Answers” for me are an incredible turn-off. I don’t like them! Not just because they are all too often wrong – but they display a self-belief that I can’t be doing with.
- Ambition. What somebody does is of little consequence to me. But whatever it is, approaching it with some ambition is wonderfully sexy in my book.
- Spontaneity. I’m not a lover of things planned. I live by the belief that “planned” is just not as good as spur-of-the-moment.
- Laughter. A desire and willingness to laugh at me. And to laugh at themselves is crucial. I’m not talking about telling jokes either. But a near caustic, biting humour excites! Oh, and one last thing…
- Non-horse owning! I won’t dwell on this, (and I say this as someone who is not the jealous type) but if you went off every morning to muck out a horse, well for me….that’s just too odd!
So Rebecca – the answer to your question is “no”. But I am thinking about it….
…the truth is, as you know dear colleague, the “love cells” in my heart (and my brain) have taken a bit of a knock in the last few years…and I’m more than a little scared about opening myself up fully to the opportunities that you tell me are out there. But you have lodged the thought with me Rebecca. And for that, many thanks.
I am interested in what others have done to “take the plunge”. Was it scary? How did you write your profile? How can you tell what someone is really like on-line…? So many questions!